A Power
game is
A
series of moves with a snare, or ˜gimmick”
A power game is an
ongoing series of complementary
ulterior transactions progressing
to a well-defined,
predictable outcome.
Descriptively it is a
recurring set of transactions, often repetitious, superficially
plausible, with a concealed motivation;
Or, more
colloquially,
A series of moves with a snare, or ˜gimmick.”
Eric Berne, Games People Play p 44
An idealistic and
inexperienced counsellor
can be deeply entangled in power
games where
the client
"scores points" on the counsellors behalf.
A story about Everybody
This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody Anybody and Nobody: There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have?
Author unknown
Examples of power
games:
The
purpose of the game is not to get solutions,
but to reject
them […], never to surrender?
Eric Berne: Games People Play? p 103
Top
dog and Underdog
Bear-trapper
Why don’t you - yes but
See
what you-made-me do
Now I’ve got you, you bastard
Stupid, or
smokescreen?
Lets you and him fight
Excuse Me
Double
bind
Stop the flow
Blackmail
Top dog
and Underdog
Perls calls topdog and underdog the two clowns of the personality, constantly acting out their self - torture game beneath the level of conscious awareness. We have a top dog and underdog for each specific conflict, so whenever a conflict is sparked off by some present problem or event in life, the two clowns emerge and start their self - torture game. Both strive for control, and it is a battle to the death, dissipating all the energy which should be used for constructive and positive living.
Dr. Ann Faraday: Dream Power p.143 ff
The bear-trapper game
"The bear-trapper sucks you in and gives you the come-on, and when you are sucked in, down comes the hatchet and you stay there with a bloody nose, head, or whatever. And if you are fool enough to ram your head against the wall until you begin to bleed and be exasperated then the bear-trapper enjoys himself and the control he has over you, to render you inadequate, impotent, and he enjoys his victorious self which does a lot for his feeble self esteem"
Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim" page 53.
Why don’t you - yes but
Plot: Why dont you - yes but? is
the game most commonly played in groups of all kinds, including
psychotherapy groups. The following example will serve to illustrate
its main characteristics:
White: My husband always insists on
doing our own repairs, and he never builds anything right.?
Black:
Why doesn’t he take a course in carpentry??
White: Yes but he
doesn’t have time.?
Blue: Why dont you buy him some good
tools??
White: Yes but he doesn’t know how to use them.?
Red:
Why dont you have your building done by a carpenter??
White: Yes,
but that would cost too much.?
Brown: Why dont you just accept
what he does the way he does it??
White: Yes but the whole thing
might fall down.?
Such an exchange is typically followed by a
silence. It is eventually broken by Green, who may say something
like, Thats men for you, always trying to show how efficient they
are.?
[¦] a good player can stand off the others
indefinitely until they all give up, whereupon White wins. In many
situations she might have to handle a dozen or more solutions to
engineer the crestfallen silence which signifies her victory.
Eric Berne: Games People Play? p. 101 - 102
See what you made
me do - Im only trying to help you
The aim of this game is
vindication.
The external psychological gain (avoidance of responsibility) is prominent [¦].
The existential position is I am blameless.?
White [¦] Perhaps all he
wants at the moment is to be left alone. An intruder, such as his
wife or one of his children, comes either for stroking or to ask him
something like, Where can I find the long nosed pliers?? This
interruption causes? his chisel, paintbrush, typewriter or soldering
iron to slip, whereupon he turns on the intruder in a rage and cries
See what you made me do.? […] Of course it is not the intruder but
his own irritation which ˜causes the slip”, and he is
only too happy when it occurs, since it gives him a lever for
ejecting the visitor.?
Eric Berne: Games People Play? p 76 “ 79
More power
games
Now I’ve got
you, you bastard
The purpose is to set the other person up so to
˜reveal a lesser quality with the other (whether he has one or
not).
Stupid
The whole range from light-hearted
laughing of own clumsiness, to acting from the belief, but not fact,
that one is stupid; the real reason beneath the ˜stupid façade
may be fear, but it surfaces as an avoidance of for example an
educational offer, a promotion or the like,.
Smokescreen?
In
the middle of an intelligible dialogue, both of you coherent and at
the ball, suddenly you cannot think straight. If this is because of a
˜smokescreen, it means the other is consciously or
subconsciously thinking on something with the purpose of hiding
something else.
Lets you and him fight
Typically a
feminine mating game. A woman manoeuvre two men into fighting,
suggesting she will be with the winner?.
Depending on who set up
the game - herself or society- and on how honest the game-rules were,
she can then fulfil her bargain happily, grudgingly or even run away
with a third person.
Excuse Me
Someone will instead
of attempting to change offending behaviour, attempt to disarm the
offended by a less than sincere apology
Double bind
Doomed
if you do, doomed if you dont
Stop the flow
A
suggestion is answered with a non-inviting one letter word such as
˜yes ˜no, ˜maybe etc. followed by silence
Blackmail
For example a
therapy session is entered into with the attitude, If you dont cure
me, I will ruin your career?.
Ways of avoiding and
breaking power
games:
1.
Remember, there have to be at least two persons to play a Power
game
2. Go with the
resistance
3. Agree kindly with the client that you cannot help
her
4. Confront the client with the Power
game
5. Adjust your body
to a straight, upright and balanced position
6.Change your
physical position, move from your chair, move your chair, walk around
in the room.
After Games What?
The sombre picture presented [in
the book Games People play?, and here in excerpts], in which human
life is mainly a process of filling in time until the arrival of
death, or Santa Claus, with very little choice, if any, of what kind
of business one is going to transact during the long wait, is a
commonplace but not the final answer. For certain fortunate people
there is something which transcends all classifications of behaviour,
and that is awareness; something which rises above the programming of
the past, and that is spontaneity; and something that is more
rewarding than games, and that is intimacy. But all three of these
may be frightening and even perilous to the unprepared. Perhaps they
are better off as they are, seeking their solutions in popular
techniques of social action, such as ˜togetherness. This may
mean that there is no hope for the human race, but there is hope for
individual members of it.?
Eric Berne: Games People Play? p 162
Multiple Choice questions
for Week 3
Power games
Multiple Choice Answer 1: True / False (Cross out the wrong answer): A professional sitting with a reluctant client will with relative ease be able to differentiate between gambler-client with a strong ego, wanting to score points, or a client that is more fragile than he or she wants to admit, so the power game is a survival mechanism.
Multiple Choice Answer 2: True / False (Cross out the wrong answer): A power game is a acceptable way of hiding our true feelings about something, for example that we dont trust or that we don’t want to do what is suggested etc.
Multiple
Choice Answer 3: True / False (Cross
out the wrong answer): As a counsellor you
will many times believe your client want you to help them, only to
realise that all your attempts and suggestions are met with ‘yes
but’, or even more or less subtle belittling of you.
One of the
most unpleasant power games seen from the counsellors perspective is
the ‘Bear-trapper’ game .
